8 Things I Discovered About Being 40 While Trying Not to Fall on My Face
A little while back, I was on a trail run with my husband, Danny. It was an obstacle course for my feet—the kind of trail where if you even glance up, you have a 99% chance of tripping on a rock and tumbling to the ground. If you don’t believe me, ask my husband, who 100% fell when he looked up at some oncoming hikers. Falling is one thing. Falling in front of strangers is another. It turns out he was fine, and so was his ego.
On runs like this, you really have to focus. There’s not a lot of talking, but you get a lot of time to think. Running and thinking is probably the only area in my life where multitasking works.
As I side-stepped over the rocks and roots, with an occasional pain in my hip or foot from landing wrong, I felt gratitude for my 40-year-old body. 40, I’m 40. It was like I realized it for the first time. I never thought about turning 40 too much before I did, and then the birthday came and went. But here I was, really letting it sink in.
In a lot of ways, 40 is a new beginning. It’s the beginning of the second half of your life. Sure, some of us live to 100, which is fabulous, but even if I get to 80 or 90 feeling good, I’ll be thrilled.
As I continued on the trail I thought more about this new era of life and came up with these 8 simple guidelines to help navigate our beautiful middle-ages (we need a better name for that).
Care for your body. It’s the only one you got.
I can hear my dad telling 25-year-old me this over and over again, but it wasn’t until recently that I understood it. Hearing the crackles in my knees as I walk down the stairs or the pain in my hip after standing too long in the kitchen are great reminders. I used to push through the pain to get my workout in or feel guilty for taking a day off, but those days are over. Now I listen to my body, give myself grace, embrace restorative movement, take walks and find joy in rest days. Punishing my body distracts me from loving it.
Boundaries around sleep are cool.
People used to give me such a hard time about my “grandma” bedtime. But I do my best to get 8 hours of sleep because that’s what my body and mind need. The list of physiological benefits goes on about why sleep is essential, but for me, the main benefit is that it directly impacts my brain function, memory, and mood. Sleeping makes me think better, remember things, and be happy. So yes, I will put a hard stop on my evening plans just to get the necessary Zzz’s.
Savor your relationships.
As you get older, there’s a hard realization that the older generations are getting older too. Parents, Siblings, friends, aunts, uncles, and mentors are diagnosed with chronic illnesses, cancer, experiencing the breakdown of their bodies, or even passing away. It sometimes comes out of the blue, and it’s sometimes a long hard road, but either way, it sucks.
The best thing I can say about this one is to treasure your people. Make time for them. Stay present. Put your phone away when you’re together (and post your cute photos later). Working on the weekends and being too busy is not a good enough excuse to miss out on the precious time we have left with our loved ones.
What, when, and how you eat matters. This goes for drinking too.
I don’t know when it happened, but I stopped saying yes to every food that was put in front of my face because I thought it might be the last time I ever in my whole life would experience a brownie or burrito or cinnamon roll. I started recognizing how eating made me feel. Having a triple scoop of ice cream stopped being fun when I had a horrible stomach ache an hour later. Drinking three cocktails out with friends stopped being enjoyable when I couldn’t sleep that night and felt grumpy and irritable the next day. I love eating, but what I eat matters. It impacts my body and my mood. It gives me energy or completely zaps me. So I eat in a way that serves the lifestyle I want. Do I still eat the ice cream? Sure. But I have one scoop (usually with almond butter).
Strength training is key to having confidence in your body.
After age 30, you lose 3-5% of muscle mass per decade. That’s why strength training is critical to building muscle and increasing bone strength as you age. Cardio is great for improving cardiovascular health and burning calories; strength training prevents sagging, improves posture, shifts body composition, and boosts metabolism. While toned abs and arms look great, strengthening your muscles also helps your stability, balance, and joint health. Strength training also improves your flexibility and range of motion, reducing the risk of accidents when struggling with tasks like lifting, carrying, or climbing stairs. Try using your body weight or some light weights to start and slowly progress. Trust me; you’ll see and feel the difference. And feeling strong radiates confidence!
It doesn’t matter what they think.
You’ve made it to 40. You’ve lived a life full of mistakes and successes. You’ve likely raised some kids, gotten promotions, made significant purchases, experienced healing in one way or another, and made it through some real tough stuff. You probably also have people who love you, so you must be doing something right.
It’s time to own who we are and stop holding ourselves back because of what other people may think. When I quit my job in politics and pursued the unconventional path of starting a nutrition business, I had to fight off some of the “what will people think” worries. But there was another strange, more powerful version of me (the 40-year-old version) that didn’t care. Just like you have one body, you have one life. Live it, regardless of what that one friend from high school might think.
You know yourself so much better than you did when you were 20, so be the full version of yourself: your personality, your career choice, your emotions, and your decisions. Step into your life trusting yourself and knowing your worth.
You’re never too old to change.
Ok. so this may seem contradictory to the last one, but I am a FIRM believer that we should always be changing, learning, and growing. So, while being who you are is important, reflecting on who exactly that is and who you want to be is also important.
For example, I can be loud and silly, and I like that about myself for the most part. But if I leave a party thinking, Oooh, I did a lot more talking than listening, I will reflect on that and change for the next time because that’s not the person I want to be. Or if I get in a disagreement with my husband and I respond in a mean, selfish way, I have a choice to reflect, apologize, and respond differently the next time.
This even goes for things like working out. For the longest time, I believed I was not a “group exercise” person. It was just “who I was.” Then my sister-in-law invited me to a Zoom workout group, and I was hooked. I also gained some good friends along the way. Being open to change keeps life exciting. It allows us to gain new opportunities, skills, and perspectives. It pushes us to be better, love more, and improve our lives and the lives around us.
Stay relevant by staying curious and connected.
This one hit me hard one day when I was struggling with a decision to get back on social media after over a year and a half. I had created a little world in my head that believed that someday, people would think social media was the worst, and there would be a revolt against it. I would lead the charge! I felt myself becoming one of those out-of-touch grandparents who refused to use a cell phone (no, I’m not actually a grandparent - yet). I read somewhere about how if we stay curious about the world around us, we are better positioned to speak into people’s lives. By staying connected to people (especially the younger generations), and knowing what music they like, what’s trending on TikTok, and what they’re doing in our communities and online, we can better understand our kids, grandkids, and younger co-workers. So, I got back on social media with a new perspective. And I get to watch a lot of cute dog videos.
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If I could say one thing to sum things up, 40 is about looking more forward than back. Your journey has shaped you, but it doesn’t define you. Getting older does come with challenges, but it also comes with wisdom and perspective. Prioritize your loved ones, set boundaries, and get sleep. Your knees might crack, but they remind you to give yourself grace. Love your body by nourishing it and making it strong. Settle into who you are, but stay curious and be open to change. And, always look where you’re stepping on a trail run. Don’t end up like Danny.
